May 20, 2008

My Kiruv days are dwindling

Filed under: Mishaps/tests/U name it — Reb Moshe @ 3:22 am

Someone asked me if I would be settling setting up RSS for the new podcasts, well as easy as that is, I barely have time to make the podcast itself to worry about spreading it (my wife is shocked that I started yet another project on no funding), so I put Hashem in charge of Marketing it. If Hashem wants RSS setup, I leave it to Him. My job is just to do the best I can so I will try to make a weekly podcast and whoever hears it, hears it. One day I hope we will have more donations so I can feel like I am not working into the wind but this is how I work for now. Things are basically status Que until we develop funding but I will make sure to give weekly updates of Torah, podcast & video when I can here. Already since I am $20 short of finishing ilovetorah homepage, I had to put up pop-ups so people could find askreb.com. B’H for status Que! I am also turning people away who need guidance as I simply don’t have enough time. Woo is to my soul for the pain of doing this to another and not helping my brethren. If only bread & water would suffice but there is electric bills, schools and other expenses. Unfortunately, the days of ilovetorah are coming to an end. I would call out in pain to my brothers but those days are finished since, with world recensions, everyone is afraid of giving charity, especially the rich. The more money a person has, the more they are worried & keep it near to themselves. If only everyone understood that the key to financial freedom and the best debt agency is to go against logic and give even more charity. As it says in Gemarah Tanis, Tithe and you shall be blessed. Hashem says, “Test me, give charity and see if I do not repay you doublefold”.
For years I gave more time & money then I had to ilovetorah and the world has benefited. Because of my many sins though, my portion of return has been held in Hashems trust account. Unlike having CDs & bonds, I do not know when I shall receive payment or can cash out this trust. It could be only in the next world, or maybe there was someone more deserving of it. Maybe my many sins have outweighed it? Or maybe as with many trust funds, I must grow up first to be mature enough to cash it in. I would trade it all away now just too be able to look at my children’s faces and know that I do not fail them or have to see them suffer in any way do too a lack of money. Just so that my wife wouldn’t have to turn on a faucet and have it leak on her. To have a few extra minutes to help a crying soul out who comes to me instead of weighing who is more important to help. I cannot bare this pain. This pain is unbearable to me. To not have time to teach Torah… I cannot write anymore as the pain is too great & I have only expressed one tear of my thousands. I wish you all peace and blessing. Remember two things. 1. You can always give charity & will always get it back (this includes time)
2. Never give up & if you have to go down with your fort, do so with pride & joy because everything is Gam Z Letova, for the best.

4 Comments »

  1. May Hashem bless you and shower you with bounty, in zechus of everything you do, and the people you inspire on a daily basis. Yeshuas Hashem Keheref Ayin

    Comment by sherry — May 20, 2008 @ 4:27 pm

  2. ain yeush ba’olam!

    i know the big squeeze is starting on everyone.. it’s so hard to see another Jew’s anguish. i pray HaShem’s mercy will overpower His din.

    Comment by yitz.. — May 20, 2008 @ 6:39 pm

  3. Not sure what to say, just that I’m listening and Hashem needs to help.

    Comment by Yonason Shlomo — May 21, 2008 @ 9:52 am

  4. i think the Lubavitcher Rebbe told Rav Steinsaltz when he came to him saying he had too many projects and which ones were more important and which should he cut out? the Rebbe told him, add more projects !

    Comment by yitz.. — May 21, 2008 @ 7:43 pm

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