You know I chose this holy place because I understood the significance of being so close to where the Ari taught kabbalah. For almost 1 year I prayed to be worthy to live here before Hashem allowed me to buy this home. I mostly slept, studied and worked in this room closest to the ari. I’m now leaving only so that my wife should be more happy near her friends. This isn’t easy for me as I truly love this place. For one hour I prayed at the grave of the Ari and the Ramak for answers to this difficult decition. I only wished that I could keep it and buy a second home but that is not practical financially.
I prayed by the Ari, I cried by the ari, then I went to the mikvah ari & washed just my eyes. Then I was able to see that which I could not. That Hashem’s plan which at first was confusing is only for good.
My soul has already received the light it was able to hold from this place. Now I need to step away as otherwise, It would only have a negative effect now on my life. In other situations people suffer in many ways to stay in such a place only to live a shortened life span or eventually be cast away due to sin or judgment. In my case, Hashem is allowing me to leave quietly, taking the good I have gained to grow from. Only to return later but differently. I therefore gave thanks to Hashem, The Ari for allowing me to be in their holy place for almost 5 years.
Tonight is my fathers Memorial, Please put out a prayer for him. Shlomo Zavel Ben Yaakov. All my strength I owe to his influence & guidance. He taught me to love all people and do kindness. May his soul have an Aliyah, be elevated. AMEN!
Please pray for me that I should be in a position to be teacher of Torah full time. I cannot express to you in words the obstacles I face preventing me from learning and teaching. The satan has gps on my every move and thought. We must defeat him and put him to the dust. Hashem gives strength to His people. If every ilovetorah viewer just gave .40 cents a month, I would be able to teach Torah full time.
I am so busy work web design work and family matters but it has been a few weeks and it is rosh chodesh, maybe it is time for a torah video. Now very few people wrote back about the last couple of videos so quite honestly, that was really hard on me but I know it is just because nobody thinks to write. So for me to make a video right now, means quite frankly that the lowest person on earth is trying to fly on a spaceship to the moon. Being that nobody wrote, I take it personal that I didn’t let go enough last time, so this Torah video has too be deeper, more spiritual, something that would be more inspirational then all of them put together. Now there is only one place I can go for such a thing and there is only one topic that is deeper then the deep. That can take you and I to the place of all holiness. But I shouldn’t… Or should I…
From the depths I call out to You Hashem. From here I seek You. Now I am heading to my car but who knows… I haven’t even the power to walk to it but I haven’t the strength not too. Do they even want a Torah video anymore? Do I even want to make one? How do I have time or computer resources to make one? How do I not? I’m off…
As ground troops go into the unsafe terrain of Gaza. We have to continue to do mitzvos all over the world to protect the soldiers and southern Jews who are fighting terrorism. Feel free to leave your thoughts and blessings here.
Are we overreacting? Well a recent poll this month showed that Fifty-four percent of Gaza residents said they supported rocket fire on Israeli civilians. Right now northern Israel isn’t safe either. There are rockets already pointing at my home town by Hezbollah. Still, I feel much more safer here under the wings of Hashem then US cities which have shootings, murders, and robberies in the dozens daily.
My family has been taking turns getting the flu here and I am wondering why Hashem chose this time specifically that people generally get ill. Maybe your words will bring us comfort and refua, healing.
Every day I walk down to the Ari and I pray that Hashem shouldn’t take it all away. My mikvah, Synagoge, and Kollel. I reflect upon my life here in my home and its prime location to Kedusha. Why would Hashem want to take this all away? What would I gain from such an event? There would be no more going to ari mikvah with ease and taking my youngest children to Synagoge with me Friday Night. No quick walk to Kollel in between my busy kiruv schedule. Instead, I would be isolated in the 12 story ghetto housing that is slowly falling apart on the bottom of the city. Far from the surroundings I prayed for and hold so dear. I pray for salvation and for hope but I feel forgotten about. Sometimes I wonder who really worries about me and cares for my sanity. Is this the reward of a broken heart? I was once someone whom people looked to for advice, spiritual encouragement and physical salvation. Now, my head is low and I look for the same but I cannot find it anywhere. My hopes and dreams temporarily feel shattered and all I want is to be a good father now. This to me would be enough. So how much longer will the economic problems butcher us and steal our hopes and dreams? Will there be anyone standing to save those who have fell into its treacherous pit? Have we come to such a position
already that it is every man for himself?
For now, I continue to fight and I continue to pray.
I just returned from the vort, it is weird at 29.99999 years of age (?stopped counting at 29), to have new step brothers and a step dad. When I met all the guys I told them, don’t worry I am cool, we will be alright. I mean, I already have 30,000 children, talmidim are like children, so what is a few more brothers. It was after-all always my dream as a kid to have more siblings. The vort went very well. My mother is like a new person and it is strange seeing her content again. Just returned from 4:40 hours of around trip driving.
I have been thinking about all those people debating if they should order seats to their local Synagogue and community or prayer elsewhere. So many people tell me that they feel they are outsiders and not really apart of their communities in a strong way. Why are so many people like this who feel they have no Rabbi or true place inside the holy walls of our Synaggoes?
I became a teacher of Torah when I was a young man of 21 years of age. My father had a stroke and was no longer able to speak or move. Knowing how he loved Torah and was a learned man, I took upon myself to prepare two times a week a 1 hour shir for him. Since he knew so much, I pushed myself to learn things much higher then my level and I prepared them for this one hour session. When I was finished each time, there was usually sweat dripping down my face, I felt I also had to deliver the shir with enough strength that it would last him as he sat there helpless. From that point on, I never stopped preparing shirim and after he left this world, I created the site in his memory about a year later. Rav Shlomo Zavel Ben Yaakov.
I have been asking myself this question for quite sometime. Can a person still have emunah, pure faith and at the same time be stressed out. For a while, I thought no! Emunah means totally trusting in Hashem and if you have real trust, you should never be stressed but now I beg to differ. Certainly, having emunah means not worrying a lot but practically speaking, you can still have pure emunah and be stressed out.
Going to sleep at night, you think about who you owe money too and what bills will shortly arrive. Then you remember about Hashem and try to push off the pressures knowing He will come to your aide. Even so, the bills from yesterday still haunt you and you don’t really feel so worthy of the extreme salvation you truly need. Do you have emunah, yes! You know Hashem will support you in the end. He will not abandon you and salvation will come. Still you have stress and if you didn’t you wouldn’t be human. You should care about those you owe money too and those of your family or friends you can’t provide for before you close your eyes. But to say you don’t have pure emunah, it isn’t so. Is it okay to be worried, well, if Hashem can feed a little worm or ant… You don’t see a worm having a panic attack or worried. In fact, he will just burry himself in the ground until the next food calling. So, worry you should not. Hashem will answer your call. Stress, well, it simply isn’t healthy physically or spiritually. You have to find a solution for this but the first place to start is to realize that your faith is still in tact and be happy on this. Exercise, eating well, vitamin b6, a shirk, who knows but I would like to separate more the two. Being Stressed doesn’t mean you don’t believe. It doesn’t mean you are worshiping idols. It simply means that something is missing in your life and there is pressure from this. Increasing your emunah is helpful but not always the only solution. Israelis seem to deal with stress a bit better then us Americans. Maybe it is because they know how to let it out.
Never in my life have I known a greater pill for stress then Torah.
Your welcome to disagree or to agree to disagree on this post. As I said originally, it is something I have been pondering for quite some time.
I just returned from Betar where I spent Shabbos with the Biala Rebbe of New York. He has just opened a second shul in Betar, outside Jerusalem. I hope to share with you my experiences. My mother has also returned for a few months to Israel and I enjoyed seeing her with my children. I also got to visit my wife’s family and their children. It was certainly a fun packed shabbos with kids everywhere.
Someone asked me if I would be settling setting up RSS for the new podcasts, well as easy as that is, I barely have time to make the podcast itself to worry about spreading it (my wife is shocked that I started yet another project on no funding), so I put Hashem in charge of Marketing it. If Hashem wants RSS setup, I leave it to Him. My job is just to do the best I can so I will try to make a weekly podcast and whoever hears it, hears it. One day I hope we will have more donations so I can feel like I am not working into the wind but this is how I work for now. Things are basically status Que until we develop funding but I will make sure to give weekly updates of Torah, podcast & video when I can here. Already since I am $20 short of finishing ilovetorah homepage, I had to put up pop-ups so people could find askreb.com. B’H for status Que! I am also turning people away who need guidance as I simply don’t have enough time. Woo is to my soul for the pain of doing this to another and not helping my brethren. If only bread & water would suffice but there is electric bills, schools and other expenses. Unfortunately, the days of ilovetorah are coming to an end. I would call out in pain to my brothers but those days are finished since, with world recensions, everyone is afraid of giving charity, especially the rich. The more money a person has, the more they are worried & keep it near to themselves. If only everyone understood that the key to financial freedom and the best debt agency is to go against logic and give even more charity. As it says in Gemarah Tanis, Tithe and you shall be blessed. Hashem says, “Test me, give charity and see if I do not repay you doublefold”.
For years I gave more time & money then I had to ilovetorah and the world has benefited. Because of my many sins though, my portion of return has been held in Hashems trust account. Unlike having CDs & bonds, I do not know when I shall receive payment or can cash out this trust. It could be only in the next world, or maybe there was someone more deserving of it. Maybe my many sins have outweighed it? Or maybe as with many trust funds, I must grow up first to be mature enough to cash it in. I would trade it all away now just too be able to look at my children’s faces and know that I do not fail them or have to see them suffer in any way do too a lack of money. Just so that my wife wouldn’t have to turn on a faucet and have it leak on her. To have a few extra minutes to help a crying soul out who comes to me instead of weighing who is more important to help. I cannot bare this pain. This pain is unbearable to me. To not have time to teach Torah… I cannot write anymore as the pain is too great & I have only expressed one tear of my thousands. I wish you all peace and blessing. Remember two things. 1. You can always give charity & will always get it back (this includes time)
2. Never give up & if you have to go down with your fort, do so with pride & joy because everything is Gam Z Letova, for the best.
For a while now, I have been answering life’s questions on www.askreb.com but I thought now it is time that I ask the world my questions. So, here we go!
1. As you know, Israel is a dusty yet clean climate due to the use of stone buildings and dirt side roads. This causes my black car and most other
Israel cars to get dirty. How often should I wash my car? How important do you feel this is? Is it fine for a person to drive around in a dust covered car that is flify? To properly be clean, one would need to wash it 2x a week.
2. Should I pay 500sheckles which is a lot of money here to use a Jew on fixing something that otherwise would just cost 350sheckles from an Arab? If yes, where do i get the additional 150 shekels?
3. During the Omer, should I listen to Acapella music which is mutar or listen to nothing at all since acapella music is a bit boring?
4. Should I drink sink water or bottled water?
5. Should I power off computers when not in use to save electricity or does it really use nothing?
6. Why do only energizer expensive batteries work properly in the baby swing and my rechargeables and cheap batteries not?
7. Will I have better mazal publishing my books if I try again?
8. Should I continue trying to purchase a part for our Maytag dryer here in israel or give up and just take a chance on someone bringing it from the States?
9. Should I go to the Ari mikvah where it is too cold to think under the water holy thoughts but it is a much higher level or the warm indoor mikvah where I can contemplate higher thoughts? (I usually make this a daily decition)
10. Should I continue to express my humor publicly or lay it to rest?
11. For my Sata 2 backup hard drive, do i really need to get a sata drive or can i get the new usb quick connection plug they are selling out of china for $10?
12. Should I give the children prizes when each baby tooth falls out?
13. If you see a parent not disciplining their children for fighting with siblings, should you get involved? (this happened this last shabbos)
14. Should I put on the AC or open the windows up?
15. Am I too silent about problems in Klal Yisrael that we overlook?
16. How is 16 a special number?
17. Same question as 16
18. To Life, Just a bit of humor to start every ones new work week
19. If money really grew on trees, what kinda trees would it grow on?
20. Why am I playing 20 questions?
For those that don’t know, my son had 2 &3 degree burns over a year ago. We all prayed for him and we took him to the best doctors but tonight, with a rare sad face since he is sick with the flu, he said, it hurts and the doctors made me a booboo(the medicines sometimes hurt worse & though necessary, the scaring is more after the doctors surgery to help him move it). Well the reality is, after all the doctors, medicines and prayers, Gedalya is hurting. Boruch Hashem after surgery a few months ago, he can now move his arm fully but his scaring is quite bad and as he mentioned, it hurts. This is something he feels all the time and all the lotions & rub on ideas simply keep it moist but the uncomfortness remains. Since his accident with hot soup, Gedalya has only slept through the night one time. So, on holy Moses’s Yirtzite, zayin adar, I ask as he did in his rare truth of the situation, Masay! When will it end…